Why is it that after an argument with your partner is settled, a lot of time, both partners feel emotionally closer and sexually more attracted to each other?
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Heart beat pumping and chemicals running in through your brain from the argument help with the feeling of attraction and closeness. It’s the same feeling of when eating chocolate or taking exctasy or pure mdma
Because she is sexy when she is mad.
If the argument is of an intensely personal matter, the ability to openly communicate feelings you normally wouldn’t is the definition of intimacy. Most people aren’t ready to ‘go there’ until it has gotten so stressed that you end up in an argument and you absolutely have to ‘get there’.
Relief from the conflict being over, and feeling of closeness that ‘we got through it, lets reward ourselves’ thinking between the couple?
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Because you guys just worked together to resolve something, and that is literally the definition of bonding. Same goes for friendships or with people you get put into a group project with at school. Except, in this instance, the problem is personal, so you bond more deeply when you find a resolution.
ELI5:
Because subconsciously, you were worried they’d leave.
Longer version:
Alain De Botton thought it was because the argument implicitly (or sometimes, explicitly) threatens the existence of the relationship.
The strong intimate feelings we have at the beginning of a relationship are somewhat founded on the knowledge that, at any point, the other person may leave. This is often why couples lose intimacy shortly after marriage.
The wave of intimacy after an argument represents the rediscovery that the relationship is not guaranteed, and so it becomes much more valuable in that moment.
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